get well mcayla

Happy news

2009-08-09T04:58:00.003+01:00

On the evening of August 6th, my baby got another little bit of herself back. She rode a bicycle again!!!!

It's so cool and it has made my year yet again with Mic being able to do a few of the things she used to. I unfortunately was out, when she did this for the first time, and only got to see her ride the next day.

You can't imagine how proud I'm feeling. Each day, she goes outside and rides and gains more confidence.

All the neighbours came out to watch her and were amazed at how unafraid she was to try to ride again. They've all commented on how fantastic it is to see her outside doing things she used to, and how it helps Mic to appear normal to the other kids. I think there may have been a little tear or two of happiness in their eyes.

On the medical side, she's outgrown her splint again and has been told not to use her cane unless she is walking far distances. This isn't because she's any better at walking, I think the physio is just trying to get Mic to use her body to balance rather than rely on the cane.

But hey, at least my baby has clawed back a little piece of her old self back, and for that I am extremely happy!

The forensic details of 7/9/08

2009-07-31T21:58:00.002+01:00

Today we got the police reports and witness statements from our attorney. It doesn't make for pleasant reading.

The thing that disturbs me most is that when the police had sat in my living room and told me that they were thinking of closing the case, THEY HAD NOT YET TAKEN A STATEMENT FROM THE DRIVER!!!!!!

The first time they have a statement was 2 weeks AFTER Mic was home. WTF?????? Do you want to know why? Because, the forensic details of her phone were released on 29/10/08. The day before Mic was released from hospital.

The forensic report shows that 1 minute before the accident the driver received a text message from her boyfriend. That was 2 minutes before she phoned 999. She phoned her boyfriend 17 minutes after hitting Mic. While my baby lay on the floor bleeding........

It makes me mad. Looking at the photo's, with Mic's shoe laying by a gate, her jacket on the pavement where it was left...it makes me cry. Everyday I look at my little girl whose life has changed so much and I hurt so much inside.

While this driver's life continues on in a sense of normality, my daughter struggles to live her life in the way that she should. The driver says it has changed things for her...I bet it has, but not nearly as much as it has changed for us.

Yes, Mic may have been at fault and stepped out - the witnesses said she did look before crossing - yet the driver claims she did not see pedestrians. She noted that her mother (who was behind her in another car) had let another vehicle pull into the Tesco express, yet she did not see any pedestrians. She did not know where her phone was at the the time of the text, yet 2 minutes after the accident, she not only found it, but placed a call to the emergency services.

I was not upset with the driver or anybody else at the time of the accident . I just wanted my baby girl to live. Now, right this very minute, with my child downstairs struggling to follow a simple story line of a movie, I am angry. I am very angry! Between this woman, her mother and her boyfriend and the distractions they caused, knowingly or not, has resulted in my child's life changing.

I no longer want to be calm. I want to scream and shout and have a tantrum. The way the police handled this case is shocking! I have always been an advocate of the services, defending the way they have to deal with tough situations...until now. Appalling!!

To top things off, I was told at work that I don't smile enough. Welcome to my world! Live a day in my life and see your child suffer and struggle with pain, and know that you can do nothing to help. YEAH great reasons to smile every day.

9 months exactly

2009-06-07T14:55:00.002+01:00

Wow! 9 months ago this time, we were at Birmingham Children's hospital. MJ was in A & E and fighting for her life. They were struggling to get tubes down her throat. So many people working on her little body and all I could do was watch. So many syringes filled with fluid being pumped into her. Her clothes cut off.

9 months later and MJ is much stronger. She's attending school from 11am to 3pm everyday and in September she's going full time.

She still falls over often, sometimes because she's tired and sometimes it's because she might trip. I've tried to explain to Mic that I need to know when this happens, not to prevent her from having her life, but to find out why she falls and help her live a full life, but others might need to help her more. She's so afraid that I won't let her out. If only she she knew that every time she steps out the door I'm petrified and have to stop myself from pulling her back in.

Her walking is not so great these days either. She has to stop often and complains her knee hurts. It worries me. She's so stubborn that sometimes she won't say that she needs a rest and tries to push her body to do more than it's able. I watch her and listen to her laboured breathing and tell her to rest. I think I'll have to start taking the wheelchair our more often for her.

Other than that, she's been reassessed at school to see what level she's at. There are some improvements, and I'm hopeful that MJ will at least get to a level close to her actual age, so the difference won't be too noticeable amongst her peers.

She is really looking forward to the holiday, as are we all. It has been well deserved and will be much appreciated. I know that I'm looking forward to the break, not just for the break itself, but we will spend time together as a family. Only Ash and Sam won't be with. One day, we will all go on holiday together.

Almost 9 months

2009-05-24T09:20:00.002+01:00

So, this two year window is racing by very quickly. I'm increasingly worried about MJ's schooling. We've looked at sending MJ to a special school where kids have varying degrees of difficulties. Only problem, the medical and educational staff don't think it's appropriate for MJ as most of the kids that attend have cerebal palsy and they feel MJ will stand out and know that she's different. NEWS FLASH!!!! She already knows she's different in main stream schooling and she does stand out! Having the sticks helps to make that more of a sore point for MJ. I just wish they'd start to listen to what she wants. More than anything, MJ wants to be normal. They don't deal with her daily frustrations and conflict within. MJ remembers how it felt to run, ride her bike, swim, climb trees. Now, she can't walk more than a few yards before she experiences severe pain.

Her frustrations are so bad she cries so hard and then lashes out. She struggles to find the right words to convey how she feels. I know she's frightend to tell the staff and medical professionals what she truely feels as she thinks she will be in trouble.

We only have two years to ensure that MJ get's as much educational support as she possibly can, because of the brain injury. Whatever stage MJ is at after 2 years, that's where she will be for the rest of her life. So imagine this: If MJ only has the reading age and vocabulary of an 8 year old NOW...without the proper support in place..will she still remain at this level for the rest of her life? YES! Can you imagine when she's in the prime of her life...I can't bear to think of it. WHat kind of employment prospects will she have? She won't be able to go shopping which leaves her open to being taken advantage of. She won't be able to rent or buy her own home.

If she get's the support she needs, then her choices are endless. I just wish everyone would remember that the choices they make MJ has to live with....

New developments

2009-04-25T17:34:00.003+01:00

MJ is back at school and her schedule has changed. Needless to say I think it is playing havoc with her at the moment and her fatigue levels waiver from day to day. As this was only the first week of the new schedule, I'll see how she is at the end of week two and if she's still so tired then I'll have to talk with the school to see how things can be changed. She is also trying out a new programme in which she listens to classiscal music to help with memory recall and it's supposed to help relax her. I don't believe it's having that effect. She seems quite stressed by it.

MJ has a new splint. This new one allows for more flexibility. It has a hinge just below her ankle, so she is able to walk better.

Took her swimming today to try and work some of those core muscles. It's a little difficult trying to help MJ to trust me in the water and also trying to teach Cort to swim. Dave doesn't like public pools much, and even though he was with us today, he was extremely uncomfortable. Hopefully before our holiday starts, I will have succeeded in teaching both children to swim.

Things are a little harder for us now as Ash works full time 12-8. We now need to employ a carer not only to assist with MJ, but to help out with picking up Cort etc.

Ugh I tell you, things just seem to get more complicated!

There have also been times when MJ won't eat anything. Why that is I don't know, but it is just disconcerting.

On the up side - and there is always an up side - MJ still manages to laugh everyday. She still loves life and tries to get as much as she can from it.

I'd love to take a page from her book and laugh more often instead of worrying all the time.

If the weather holds out tomorrow, we are off to the beach. Time to tan our extremely white bodies!

Sad times

2009-04-03T20:10:00.002+01:00

Well, today has been very emotional. Recently my mother in law passed away, quite unexpectedly albeit peacefully. The strain has hit Dave quite hard as he tends not to release his emotions in full view of everyone. Today was the funeral. Mic misses her nana so much and I think that for both her and Ash, the realisation that they will never see their nana again hit home. Thankfully Cortni is too little to fully understand and I never took her to the funeral. I remember going to my grandad's funeral when I was 5 and didn't want the same memory for Cortni.

My children were dignified in their grief and hugged their grandad, dad and uncles and I think they understood and respected the loss that the boys felt and still feel.

As for MJ in general, she's doing okay. Her school time table will alter after Easter and she will get the chance to join her class mates in Art class.

We received the cognitive assessment from the psychologist and basically MJ will need a lot of support and will struggle to keep up with her peers. In a nutshell, MJ will have to do vocational training. What that will be exactly, we are not sure, but MJ has a while yet, before she makes that kind of decision.

It will be MJ's 12th birthday on Tuesday. 7 months after her accident. Today, I kept thinking how 7 months ago things could have been so different and I could have buried my child. I really do not think that we could have coped as individuals or as a family if we had suffered 2 losses in such a short space of time.

When I chat with people about how long it has been, the surprise on their face astounds me. I think that they think it has been so much longer. 7 short months of pain, fear, trepidation, happiness and loss.

I'm hoping and praying with all my heart that the next 7 months will be filled with happiness, laughter and excitement. NO MORE TEARS!!

(p.s. Thanks to all for their kind words and sympathy during our family's time of grieving)

Bubble wrap

2009-02-26T22:05:00.002Z

If you guys know where I can get a lifetime supply of bubble wrap, let me know. I need it so my kids can stop hurting themselves.

I took Ash to the doctors tonight as she fell down the stairs and was in serious pain. She's fractured her coccyx. Another year, another wrinkle, another grey hair and more broken bones. Why my kids? Is this karma? Jeez...I'm sorry already! Move on already and leavy my kids alone!

I've told my kids that for halloween, they are going as sphere balls!

MJ had a rough time in physio today. The physio tried to explain to MJ that they need her muscle at the back of her leg to lengthen, otherwise she will need surgery later in life. MJ was petrified at hearing this. I tried to explain that later on in life could mean many, many years from now and she shouldn't panic. I think with the tiredness from school and all the stimulation, she was feeling a little emotional.

They are also talking about putting MJ's leg in a cast during the Easter break. I don't think MJ quite understands why, but basically it's just to get the muscle to flex differently. Because MJ is walking and landing with her toes first, the muscle is balling up. Basically, that's not good. I'm sure they'll get it sorted, but it'll take time.

So, with Ash being injured, looking after Mic, who is injured, does this mean I have to get Cort to look after Ash? What a wicked world I live in...lol

Seriously though, I am very worried about Ash. She is a mini me and is stubborn and determined. I know she will push herself to do things that she shouldn't. Problem is, with an injury like this, only time can heal it.

Telly

2009-02-24T21:14:00.003Z

So, MJ started high school yesterday. I was a nervous wreck. I was also very proud of her achievement. A day we thought might never happen, but it has and I was so excited!!!

MJ is thoroughly enjoying school. It takes a lot out of her though. All the stimulation she has had over the last few days tires her out. As a result her head hurts and she doesn't sleep too well. But, I think by the end of the week, when all her mates are used to her being back at school, and things are calmer, she may fair a lot better.

The kids got told off today by a teacher who happend to be in the Base during break. One of MJ's friends told the teacher that they all had permission from Mrs Telgar to visit MJ. Needless to say that the teacher was not happy so I think visitors will be restricted now. I hope not, but hey, there always has to be one sour lemon.

All I can say is, guys, don't let her put you off. Your visits to MJ are a huge part of her rehabiltation and you are really helping her feel normal again. If she ever takes MJ for a lesson, maybe MJ should pretend to go to sleep like she used to do in the hospital, then the teacher can have something real to moan about...ha ha ha! I really shouldn't be so naughty should I???

So, MJ has been in the paper again and finally on Midlands today. I think the piece was filmed about a month ago, but at least others can look at her website now and maybe, just maybe, we'll get the council kick started to get those crossings in place before Cortni gets to year one. If nothing else, perhaps other parents who are facing a similar situation will take a look at MJ's webiste and have hope and inspiration to not give up.

I was giving Cortni a bath today, and she was feeling a little jealous of MJ being on the telly. She said "I wish I was McAyla and she was me". My heart broke. I told Cort not to think like that as she will do something truely amazing one day and she too will be on the telly. I think I have managed to restore Cortni's confidence and I hope she realises that she is special to me just as much as MJ and Ashley.

I'm shattered! Today, I feel like I have been through every emotion on the planet! In truth, I feel like that most days. Anyway, I guess I should try get some sleep.

School

2009-02-21T22:32:00.003Z

I'm sorry for not updating regularly, but things get a little hectic sometimes and I find myself running out of hours in the day. This entry is just to give that little more insight into MJ and to thank a range of people for all that they have done.

As far as MJ has come, she still struggles with following conversations, she struggles with attention and her short term memory is still an issue. She still goes through a range of emotions and sometimes overreacts to situations. How much of that is normal teenage girl stuff and how much of it is because of her injury...I don't know. I do know that I'm more protective of her now as would be expected. I still let her go out and hang with her mates, and I try to give her independence, but I'm also very aware that those that don't see MJ everyday don't fully understand what she's going through.

She is not always able to convey what she means in the right way. For example when she says she's special. Sometimes she's joking and sometimes she is being serious. I tell MJ that she is special. She is my daughter and is special to me. She is special because she has survived a very traumatic injury that should have killed her (and almost did). At the very least, it should have left her in a very worse state, but it hasn't and that makes her special. Sometimes, when she does daft things that make us laugh, we tell her she's a bit special, meaning she's daft. This is a family joke.

MJ lacks tact at the moment. What I mean is that she calls a spade a spade. If she's irritated, she'll tell you. She's not pretentious. If your hair is a mess, she'll say it in a way that will probably offend you. She doesn't mean it like that though. Obviously, if you do the same back, it hurts her too. An eye for an eye makes the whole world blind. We are open and upfront within our own home and we say things as we see them. McAyla just has to learn when it's appropriate. Imagine a child having a temper tantrum. Sometimes when we are angry, we'd like nothing more than to cry and scream and stamp our feet. We don't. We learn what is acceptable behaviour. McAyla has to re-learn appropriate behaviour too. Like with all children, it doesn't happen overnight, it will not happen overnight with MJ either.

I guess what I'm trying to say is have a little patience with MJ when you chat with her. Sometimes she's an 11 year old girl who's able to chat about fashion and boys etc and sometimes she's younger MJ trapped in her 11yr old body.

When I chat with her about the accident, sometimes she cries. Sometimes I cry. It's buried very close to the surface. She understands that our lives all changed and she understands how much we all love her and how close she came to dying. She cries when she thinks of the compassion her friends showed when she probably didn't even know who they were. I sometimes see tears in her eyes when she sees people with worse physical/learning difficulties than herself. She looks at her website and cries when she sees all of her photographs and reads the letters from all the people whose lives she has touched. I still cry when I read them.

So, MJ starts school on Monday. It's only for an hour, but at least it's a begining. Another landmark she has reached. I know MJ is a little scared and excited about starting high school. She's worried that her mates won't understand her disability and like any new kid, she's worried she won't fit in.

Needless to say, the thought of her in high school makes me proud, scared senseless, apprehensive and in general I feel like a nervouse wreck!!

She'll be picked up and dropped off by taxi. While it's great that MJ is now starting school, the physio sessions have moved to the afternoons. This is a problem as it's the school run time and Di won't be able to take MJ to physio anymore. I think we may have it covered with my father in law, but my mum in law is also very poorly most days and he is her carer and needs to look after her. It's another hurdle, but we'll get through it. I'm not letting it get me down as I know, one way or another, we'll manage. I just like to have the solution before the problems occur.

During the half term break MJ has tried trampolining again. She really enjoyed it, but hurt her ankle. Other than that, physio is going well, she's still enjoying hydro and this next week she'll be fitted for a new splint as she's quickly outgrowing the current one. She had a session with SLT and MJ was taught how to breathe when she speaks. MJ uses her shoulder to help draw in a deep breath as opposed to using her diaphram. Hence the whispering. We are still waiting for the results of the pshyc assessment.

Can I just add a huge thank you to Di Briggs for taking MJ to physio over the last few months. You have been fantastic and I am forever endebted to you.

Mrs Telgar at Nunnerywood High School for getting things in place so quickly when MJ was discharged from hospital. Also, thank you for understanding about MJ's shoe situation.

Mrs Hemmings for putting my mind at ease as to how and where MJ will start her school intergration.

Sarah Lane for getting the course work and teaching MJ at home.

Lynn Luchesse for understanding our needs as a family and for organising MJ's home schooling, re-intergration to school and the whole co-ordination of the different disciplines around MJ.

Nic B, Kim and Vicki and their families for being there with MJ when she couldn't communicate verbally, for including her in birthday parties, exercising with her and in general just making her feel normal. You have touched my soul with your kindness.

Dave's dad for helping out when we need you on short notice.

Ashley my beautiful grown up daughter things have been tough for you, but you have helped look after your sister and put your life on hold. I love you and I can never thank you enough. Thank you so much for doing all that you do.

Cortni my little baby for wanting to play with your sister, making sure she is safe even at your tender age and for giving MJ just that little bit of a hard time every now and then as sisters should.

Sam my 'adopted' daughter you too have been there for MJ, even before her accident. Thank you for being the shoulder for MJ to lean on when she cannot turn to others.

Hydrotherapy

2009-01-27T21:27:00.004Z

Jeez, so much has happened and my head spins with the thought of all the stuff still going on. Since my last update, MJ has started hydrotherapy. It's fantastic to teach her balance and help restore those core muscles. These are her stomach and back muscles, which help keep you upright. When MJ laughs, she kinda falls forward, so I'm always grabbing on to her to make sure that she stays up. As you can imagine, she laughs quite a lot, so my fists are permanently clenched around whatever item of clothes she happens to be wearing. She thinks this is very amusing, as you can imagine, so we often have a laugh about her stability, or rather, lack of it.

Anyway, the pool is really warm, so she is only able to do a half hour, as it relaxes the muscles and takes the strain off of her legs. She was very tired after last weeks session, but is very excited about returning tomorrow.

I took her back to BCH on Monday for her psych assessment. For 2 hours they questioned MJ to test what she is able to recall and what level she is at. We have to return to get the results.

Last Thursday we were at BCH for MJ's eye test. This also took 2 hours. They did the normal eye test, then she did a field test. This test was to check her peripheral vision, so she had to spot where the light was, while staying focused on the hole in front. After that, they put drops in her eyes to dilate the pupils. This made her eyes sting and very sensitive to light. We then saw the consultant who advised that the optic nerve is still swollen and will still need to be monitored. I pray it comes right by the next visit in April/May.

After the consultant saw MJ, she advised that photo's of the inside of the eye would need to be taken. This is when things became interesting for me. The photo looks like a red planet and the bit they are concerned with is the white disc shape - the optic nerve. They explained that on a healthy eye, the outline of the disc is clearly visible. In MJ's eye, the bottom of the nerve is not clearly visible. They will send us a copy of the photo's so we can post it on the website.

SLT advise that MJ's voice might never return to normal as the vocal cords might have been damaged because of the ventilator and subsequent chest infection MJ had in ICU. The SLT is also going to investigate if MJ's taste buds are non existent - as in non-receptive to texture and taste - or if she has to have more therapy to learn to chew again. If MJ doesn't chew, the gums don't get the massage they require, thereby leaving the gum susceptible to disease and subsequently her teeth will fall out.

On the plus side, we went to Nunnery and visited the centre where MJ will be when she eventually returns to school. It's called the Base. There is disabled access to the base, so MJ doesn't have to negotiate the stairs, or the thousands of kids that go to the school, and her friends can get to have lunch with her in the base, so she doesn't have to fight her way through the cafeteria lines either. Also, they have fantastic facilities inside there, so MJ will get lots of support. I think she may get to type her work out rather than write, as the ability to hold a pen is still not easy for her. I'll be able to tell you more after the meeting we are having on Thursday, so watch this space for further updates.

Neuro visit

2009-01-16T23:40:00.002Z

Today we got to see Mr Solanki and he was very impressed with MJ's progress. He showed us the 3 MRI scans taken of MJ during her stay at BCH. There was a lot of surface blood around the brain, particularly to the right side and back of her head. He couldn't show us the x-rays, as he didn't have them. He has given MJ a challenge. In 6 months time, he wants to see her again and has said he wants her to walk into his office without crutches.

He also told MJ that the headaches are normal, and we need not worry. He also said that the more she exercises, the more flexible she'll become, and the easier it'll be to move and walk.

Spoke with the physio today, and she said MJ will have to be fitted with a new splint, as her feet are growing and "Fred" is hurting MJ anyway. She's developed a corn (kind've like a hard blister) which will be sorted on Thursday.

Tomorrow we finally get our family portrait! Yeah!!! I can't wait to see the photo's. Wish I could have them all.

MJ does a rolly-polly

2009-01-14T22:05:00.002Z

I watched MJ do a rolly-polly today. She has been so determined to get her feet to touch the floor, over her head, which she has been able to do for about week now. Then, she was determined to get her knees to touch the floor, over her head...which she achieved today. As always, being the ever determined MJ, she performed a rolly polly. Still not content with this, she stood herself up, and decided to perform a rolly polly, from a standing position. Whatever next!?! It won't be long before she's performing cartwheels and hand stands.

So, we have been watching the BBC midlands today and Inside Out on BBC to see when MJ will finally be on the telly. She's so bored with watching the news now and as she says: I'm sick of being famous mum". That gold fish feeling is begining to set in I think....

When I'm at work, I constantly worry if MJ has slipped again, or if she has choked on food or drink, and most recently, her headaches seem to be getting worse. Thankfully we get to see the neurosurgeon on Friday, so I can discuss this with him. I know that Ash takes brilliant care of her sister, but I'm a mother first and formost and I will worry about all of my children all of the time. It's a life long deal I signed up for when I decided to be a parent.

McAyla's teacher did a reading and writing assessment on MJ and the report came back as 8.6. This means that MJ can read and write at the same level of a child who is 8 years and 6 months old. This may shock you, but in fact, it is brilliant news. So many people who have this type of injury never even get this skill back, let alone reach the level of an 8 year old.

Well, the next big event we will be looking forward to is the hydro-therapy. MJ can't wait to get in the pool. I think it will certainly help build up her muscles, without them suffering the fatigue they currently do in a normal physio session.

We had a bowling session with MJ's mate Kim and her family. Thanks guys for a brilliant day. Pity I got beat by Cortni...mmm perhaps I shouldn't advertise the fact that I got beat by a 5 year old...lol! Oh well, it was so much fun, and I was so proud of MJ for bowling the ball and getting the odd strike. So amazing! I can honestly say that since MJ's accident, this has to be one of the best day's I've had...we've had ... as a family.

On TV

2009-01-10T00:24:00.002Z

McAyla and Daz will be on the telly , BBC Midlands today, on Monday. They have filmed a bit as to where the accident happend and where the crossings are to be put in. They filmed the droves of children that come down this hazardous road everyday, and at least now, people may understand exactly why we need the crossing in the first place.

Cortni desperately wanted to be on the telly and is quite gutted that she is not on there. I've explained that she may well get her turn one day when she does something truely amazing. In the meantime, she is still the little star of the family and we love her as much as we love her sisters.

Tomorrow we are going to a photo shoot so that we may finally have that long awaited family portrait with ALL of us in the photo at the same time. It's one of those things I promised we would do as soon as MJ was able. I am looking forward to it.

4 Months

2009-01-07T18:28:00.003Z

So... 4 months ago this time, we were crying bucket loads for our little girl. Scared, very scared. 4 months on and I have to keep pinching myself that my little girl is still alive and is able to hug me and talk to me. It's the most amazing feeling in the world.

Yes, we have just barely begun our journey on the very long raod to recovery, but there are little improvements and moments that just make me laugh. I'm glad that MJ is able to laugh at herself and the situation we find ourselves in, and I believe that is what helps us through. She has always had the sunniest disposition, which is why people find it easy to talk with her. Sometimes, she has moments when her smile drops and a dark cloud seems to sit above her head, but I think that under the circumstances, it's acceptable. After all, don't we all have dark days?

So, we saw the pediatrition and the SLT. Whilst talking with the pedeatrition, I discovered that MJ has in fact got 4 fractures to the skull. I was of the impression that it was only 2/3. I am becoming more aware that as much information as I was getting in ICU, it was seriously censored. In a strange way, I'm comfortable with that, as I believe had I known, I might not have been as positive around MJ when she needed it most.

SLT have put my mind at rest with regard to Nunnery. She will get the support she needs and I'm sure that everything will be fine. MJ told the doc she doesn't want homework, and the doc told her not to panic, as dealing with being in school would be sufficient for a while.

So, MJ will have more assessments starting next week and more medical appointments, and maybe, we can get a copy of the x-ray of her head and put it on her webiste. Cool! I dunno about MJ, but I'm starting to feel a bit like a gold fish in a gold fish bowl!

Fred is back

2009-01-05T21:29:00.002Z

MJ started physio again today, and much to her disgust, the old splint "Fred" is back. Physio's said that the ankle support they gave is just not helping to stretch the leg muscles the way it was supposed to.

I think a combination of being a bit lax over the festive period and then playing at the centre all combined to make Mic's muscles a bit tight. Needless to say, she was very sore after her physio session and she cried for the first time in ages.

Today it snowed, and under normal circumstances, both the little ones would have been out there making snowmen, but as it's just so risky, they didn't go out. However, when Ash and Mic go to get Cortni from school tomorrow, it might be a tad tricky, especially with the wheelchair.

Tomorrow is another busy day, as school starts again, plus we have a visit to the community peadiatrician and then in the afternoon, the SLT are coming to meet MJ and arrange a date to do an assessment.

Happy New Year

2009-01-04T22:34:00.001Z

So, it's finally 2009, and we are already a little way into it. I can't believe that in a few days, it will be 4 months since MJ's accident. More appointments and assessments start this week, but the one I am most interested in is the neuro consultant assessment on the 16th.

4 months of progress, some quick, some slow, but progress. As the year started, I gave MJ the biggest hug and thanked God that she is still with me. I then ran around the house and hugged each of my children, grateful for their love and in my heart wishing them all the good things that life has to offer.

Yesterday, I took the two youngest girls to a play centre. They were bored and I needed to see how well MJ would cope with climbing and sliding and crowds. She did amazingly well although she tired easily. I asked Cortni to look after Mic when they were inside the nets, but as usual, MJ left her sister behind and went off to do her own thing. This left me worrying needlessly about both girls, but it's one of those challenges we had to face. Both girls had a fantastic time, and MJ is still a little sore today.

Life can sometimes be so hard, and I keep wondering why? Why my little girl? What is the greater plan for her? Sometimes I look at Mic and I marvel at what a fighter she is. Sometimes I look at Mic and I cry.

The questions are unreasonable, and I know that I will never completely know the answers. But, being in my position of not knowing what happened, gnaws away at my very soul.

Since the new year began, I have reflected a lot on what has happened, and still tears well up. Today, I put all the newspaper articles in the photo album, and as I read through each one again, I was amazed at how raw the emotions are within me. I put on the brave face for Mic and the girls, and save my tears for when I'm alone.

If I behave strongly, than I will be strong. This is my new motto in life.

Christmas

2008-12-25T22:15:00.003Z

It's Christmas today...well, what's left of it anyway, and I couldn't have asked for a better present than having my whole family with me for Christmas. Just a few short months ago, we were contemplating have a very sad Christmas. Whilst I have to admit, it was not one of our most festive, it has certainly been our best. I have spent the entire day sorting out music for MJ, listening to her new cd, playing with Cortni's bratz dolls, play dough and painting her new piggy bank, discussing Ashley's make-up collection and clothing, and finally watching Dave's golf dvd. A more beautiful day could not be had. (In case you are wondering, I also had some me time and fitted my new car stero which I am very gratgeful to Santa Clause for)

I am now looking forward to the New Year when ,once again, I can dance with McAyla, like I have done every year since she was little. I am still very reflective over what has happend, and I still get tears in my eyes when I think about how much we could have lost, but I am more than grateful that my baby is still with me.

The New Year will bring different challenges, and we will take them in our stride. MJ will have to see a psychologist who will help teach us all about MJ's injury and the effects that it is having on her emotions. She is also due to have her first assessment with the neuro consultant on the 16th. That will be a shock for him, as the last time he saw Mic, she was hardly talking, still in pads and had only just got into her first wheelchair.

So, apart from Cortni having tonsilitis...again (poor little mite), all looks good for a healthy, happy, prosperous New Year.

As things are really hectic for me these days, and I don't get much chance to update the blog too often, may I take this time to wish you all a very Merry Christmas and a healthy, happy New Year.

MJ the celebrity

2008-12-15T20:32:00.002Z

Well, it's been a fast changing and tough few weeks since my last entry.

Everywhere we go, people keep comming up to us, just to talk to Mic and tell us how inspiring they find my little girl. It's like living with a celebrity. Sometimes, MJ seems a little scared, but other times, she quite seems to like her celebrity status. When we go out in the street, and MJ walks around, neighbours come out just to watch her walk about the neighbourhood, just like she used to.

Exactly 3 months after her accident, I had to face one of the toughest decisions. I let MJ go out without me. I let her hang out with her friends. I was so scared and kept looking out the window to watch where she was. It was great to see my baby girl doing things she used to, 'normal' things. The patience and compassion of her mates astounds me.

Mostly, MJ is bored and doesn't have a very good attention span, but she is so determined.

We went Christmas shopping yesterday (Sunday) and she asked me not to take her wheelchair. She walked slowly around town and bless her little soul, she was in pain at the end of it all. We were in town for 3 hours and although we took breaks, I think it was too much for her little legs.

MJ still gets thought processes mixed up. Instead of asking for a drink, she asks what type of drink. Then, she thinks about it and gets the question right. Odd.

Other than that, physio seems to be going well as does the schooling. Now we look forward to Christmas. Merry Christmas!

MJ walks on her own

2008-12-02T17:07:00.004Z

Well, so many changes have taken place since my last entry. Two weeks ago, McAyla was given a K-frame. It's kinda like a zimmer frame, except it goes behind and around her bottom. Then last Thursday, she took her first steps....unaided. I was so shocked. Today she went to physio and she's come home with crutches! What the heck!!!!

Fred (the splint) has also gone. Now MJ has a different splint and she's been given one to wear at night. The new splints are more flexible whilst maintaining the support.

MJ is also doing very well with her schooling. She managed to do 100 sums in 20 minutes on Wednesday last week. For MJ, this is pretty good. The teacher told us today that MJ's recall is coming back and she believes MJ will cope when she returns to school.

MJ is upstairs

2008-11-20T21:42:00.002Z

Well, what a week of excitement for us!

Mic received a k-frame walker on Wednesday to assist her with her walking. She has to be supervised with it at all times, and she is only allowed in it for a maximum of 5 minutes and then has to have a long break. The frame goes behind her and she pulls it along. The only thing that seriously hinders her now is the shoes. I tried so hard to get my baby some shoes that will fit over the splint, but I have yet to be successful. She now has to wear 2 different types of shoes. Her right foot has a size 4 and the other is currently a size 9 which is too big since the splint got shaved down. All I wanted was 2 pairs of shoes, one in a size 4 and the other in whatever size fits over the splint. You'd think this would be a simple task.....yeah right! I tried every shoe shop in Worcester and Brantano's in Malvern and still zip, zero, nada!!!!

Today Mic learned to negotiate the stairs on her bottom. Someone has to stay in front of her when she goes up or down the stairs, as there is a risk factor that she might slip etc. The whole day Mic has been itching to get up the stairs and see her room. Right now, she is about 10 feet away from me and I am loving every second. I can hear if she calls for me instead of sneaking downstairs to see if she is okay.

MJ also had a bath upstairs in the bathroom. She revelled in the fact that she could lay down in the bath and have the water warm her whole body instead of just a section at a time. Getting out was seriously tricky though. Whilst I have side rails for MJ to hold onto, getting her legs over the edge of the bath was the tricky bit. Again, I have to stay with her at all times.

When I took Cortni to school today, I noticed that the council have obviously headed our calls and had somebody doing a traffic survey. Maybe, just maybe we might win this battle. Don't forget to sign MJ's petition on her website and help the cause!

School

2008-11-16T22:11:00.002Z

We are now at the start of week 10 and I look at my beautiful little girl and love wrapping my arms around her and feeling her arms wrap around me as we give each other the biggest hugs. Something I thought I'd never get to do again. We even sway to music as we have always done at Christmas and new year. So, at least that will remain the same this year.

When I look at her now, I don't compare her to how she was before her accident, but I marvel at how much she has improved since her stay in ICU. I look at Mic and I don't see her chair as a problem, I just see it as part of Mic.

I love to watch her face as it lights up when her friends come to visit. She becomes so excited and it helps so much with her speech and her memory. I guess it gives MJ some sense of normality. She feels left out in a way that she has not yet made it to Nunnery, but she is on her way.

MJ's schooling starts on Tuesday. She will have one and a half hours of schooling three times a week. She will cover a range of subjects and the teacher is going to help Mic bridge the gap that has been created as a result of the accident. She will help MJ get her word association skills and number bonds back as well as trying to cover year 7 carriculum. So MJ's brain is finally going to get as much exercise as her body.....yeah!!!

catch up photo's

2008-11-11T19:15:00.001Z

Having a look through these photo's, I can't believe how far MJ has come. Just a few short weeks ago there was the possibility of her never being able to do the things she has so miraculously achieved. She continues to astound everybody with the amount of progress she makes.

She has an eye test at the hospital tomorrow and is getting quite anxious about it. I think she is nervous that she might have to stay there. I keep telling her not to worry and have made plans with her for after the test. She's still not convinced.

Physio has been going really well. As you can see from the pics, she is able to kneel and throw and catch a ball. She can't do it for long, but she is able to do it. Short term goals for this month, MJ is to kneel for longer, crawl on the floor, and stand to brush her teeth.

She was on BBC Hereford and Worcester radio on Monday, and she commented that she thinks she may have dropped money and bent to pick it up when the car hit her..... As for the rumours that MJ was playing chicken, all I can say to the person who started this rumour...You were not there, just as I was not there, so don't make assumptions about something you know so little about. If you read my very first entry, you will see quite clearly that I in no way, shape or form ever admitted to knowing what happend that day, I have never blamed anybody, so what gives you the right???? What I do know is that my child is and always has been safety conscious. She was crossing busy roads, by herself, long before many of her friends and she started to walk home, by herself, long before any of her friends.

The Beacon Centre

2008-11-05T23:30:00.002Z

Today MJ went for her first outpatient physio session. It was great. No tears! MJ tried really hard with weight transferring, log rolling on the mat and kneeling. I was most impressed by the kneeling, as the last time I saw Mic go on her knees, she cried bucket loads and couldn't handle the pressure on her knee for too long. Today, she was completely different. She managed to stay on her knees and balance for some time. She stood by herself too. She even managed to flex her toes on her left foot. The movement isn't huge, but at least there is movement. I bet anything that before next week, Mic's big toe will be flexing back quite a bit.

She really enjoys the physio sessions and sees a lot of the activities as games. It helps when she's bored and wants to wind her sisters up, so she gets them to participate.

Hopefully the teachers will be in contact soon so that MJ's mind can get the work out it requires so all of her heals at a rapid pace.

Feels like Christmas

2008-11-05T00:46:00.002Z

Week 8 since the accident: Just over 6 weeks ago, if someone told me then that MJ would be home again with me, I would not have believed it. I was dreading Christmas. Now, it feels like Christmas everyday. I can't stop smiling.

MJ had her first session of physio this afternoon since she has been home. The new exercises she has been taught are really fun. She was shown an exercise to stretch her right arm, which entails her touching her nose and then touching my finger. She laughs so much as she streches to reach my finger as I move it about, and yes, she still tries to cheat as she becomes more excited. The mischieviousness in her has certainly not been lost.

Tomorrow we have to go to the community centre to for a session there. MJ just wants to walk and get out of her chair and splint. We've told her she needs to be patient and that it will happen when it happens. It's good that she has the determination though.

School should begin again in earnest for MJ next week, so no more slacking. It will be good when she gets her word bank back. Perhaps she will learn to say more than yeah/stuff/no when asked a question. Her 'favouite' saying right now is: my nail broke!

For those that want to visit MJ, please get my number from Di/Mandy/or anybody else that has it and I will pencil you in.

Well, as it is past 1am, I think I should try get some sleep. P.S. Thanks Katie and Aunt Cath for coming to the rescue yet again. Love you guys.

McAyla is home!

2008-11-02T07:19:00.002Z

Today would have been the start of Mic's 8th week of being in hospital, but instead she is home with us!

It's so unbelievable to have her home. The whole week she has been really anxious about coming home, and now that she is here, I don't think she can quite believe it herself. She keeps waking up in the night and saying how she wants to go home, and I keep reassuring her that she is home.

She also worries continuously about her medicines running out and also when she can have the hospital bracelet off. She is still experiencing a lack of short term memory, so if you visit her and she goes over the same things, don't get annoyed, it's just her brain trying to get the messages across.

Getting MJ in and out of the car with the wheelchair is a bit of a mission, but she handles it all really well. The process we go through is: we push her to the front door on the commode (portable loo), she then has to stand up, step off the stair at the front of the house, turn, sit in her chair, push her to the car, stand, turn and place her bottom on the seat. Voila she is in the car. We are also having to assess places we can go with her, for disabled access, long before we even get there.

All things said and done, I'm just really glad she's home. I'll go through all the hardship of transferring, as long as she is home with me.

During this last week MJ has learned to stand for a lot longer, she has managed to transfer her weight from one leg to another, physio had her in the parallel bars, so she could learn to walk. MJ walked the length of the bed whilst one of the physio's held her waist and the other held her right arm.

Mic is a changing picture every week. All the medical staff have been so amazed by her progress. I took Mic back to ICU earlier in the week to give them a thank you card. Very emotional for me to go back in there. None of the nurses that looked after Mic were on duty at the time. There was a docotor that remembered us though, although he couldn't quite remember why. When we left, he obviously had a look at the records and soon after came up to the ward. He spoke with the nurses and then came to chat with me. He told me that he couldn't believe the progress Mic has made thus far. He admitted that they never thought Mic would ever wake up fully. There were 2 other cases of kids being knocked over by cars when MJ was in ICU. The doc told me that whilst each of the kids were doing different things, MJ was by far the least responsive. He also said that he was going back to ICU to tell everyone what wonderful progress Mic has made. (I gave them the details of the website so they can keep up to date with her progress.)

I'm going to rush downstairs now to see if my little princess is awake and make her some pancakes for breakfast.

A hectic week of progress

2008-10-26T20:39:00.002Z

Wow! We are at the 7 week mark! It feels like a life time.

Mic has progressed so much, so quickly, myself and staff are amazed.

On Monday MJ wasn't able to colour in a picture, she was just barely able to keep the pen on the page and she kept colouring the same spot. By Thursday, MJ was able to colour half a picture. MJ was also assessed for her wheelchair and by Friday, OT had to phone the wheelchair service and have them change the order.

On Wednesday, MJ tried kneeling and sitting with her legs crossed, but her left knee is still quite swollen, so it pulls when stretched. She persists though and tries to get through it as best she can. I have to say that the cheating doesn't stop with thumb wars. If MJ can cheat in the physio session to achieve the goal, believe me, she gives it a go. The physio's don't let her get away with it all the time though.

MJ has also received the machine that can talk for her. She types : I love u, quite a bit. I tell her to tell me rather than type it out. She has hardly used the machine this weekend though. The nurses are also encouraging her to speak more rather than use the machine.

MJ is able to pull herself up to a sitting position which she couldn't do last week. She is also able to assist with transferring herself from the wheelchair to the bed. Her legs are not strong in the least, but at least she is able to pick them up and with loads of support she can take two steps. She is not yet able to stand, I might add, but at least she is trying.

She is also talking louder now. She seems to be scared when she hears her own voice, but when she is relaxed and laughs with friends, nurses and family, she forgets and becomes louder as she laughs.

MJ also had her first trip outside of the hospital on Saturday, with me (Mum) and Cortni. It was very cold and MJ did not enjoy the trip. I think she became aware of people staring and also of the fact that she couldn't see me as I was pushing her. That in itself must have frustrated her as I think she knew she should be walking. I don't think she liked the crowds and noise either.

I learned that the wheelchair is a lot heavier than I imagined, and I also became aware that I couldn't navigate the streets as if pushing a buggy/pram. I kept having to look where she could get off/on the pavement and how bumpy the pavements and streets are. I also became aware that some shop aisles are just not wide enough for a wheelchair, and dodging people is not as easy as if pushing a baby in a pushchair.

Today at the hospital, MJ was learning to push herself in the chair. Obviously her right hand is not quite strong enough, so she might not manage to get to the right place, and she doesn't have the strength to push herself too far, but the girl has guts and she tries.

Thanks again to the friends who have visited and for the gifts they have given to McAyla and Cortni. Thank you Mandy, Keith, Kim and Ash for your special gift, it is very much appreciated.

I have loads of photo's to post, but will do a catch up on those another day.

MJ said "Mum"

2008-10-21T01:48:00.002+01:00

Monday, October 20: It's been 6 weeks that I haven't heard MJ's voice. Today, when the teacher was giving Mic a lesson, she taught Mic to say mum. She took MJ's hand and placed it against her throat so that MJ could feel the movement in the teacher's throat. MJ then placed her hand against her own throat and said "Mum"!

We all started to cry. MJ was crying probably at the shock of hearing her voice and also because it must hurt due to the pipes and things being down her throat. I was crying because I was so proud with the effort she puts into things, and the fact that I got to hear her little voice all over again. The teacher was crying because she got so wrapped up in the moment and I think it's an absolute joy for her when the kids achieve something for the first time.

Mic went on to say dad and then dab. Later on, we were playing catch with the ball (yes, in the hospital) and I bent down to fetch the ball and then I heard her call me. I looked up and she then mouthed "I love you". For 6 very long weeks I have wondered if my child would ever say these words to me again and today she filled my heart with joy.

MJ is now pulling herself forward on her wheelchair and supporting her upper body that little bit more. Whilst playing games with Mic, I tried to get her to stretch her right arm as far as possible. It hurts, but I tell her that just a short time back she wasn't even able to get it as far as it is now. She even lifts her left leg a bit now, which she wasn't able to do last week.

Another new achievement is MJ plays on her DS. She doesn't always understand the game unless she is shown, but it'll come back in time. She is also able to use her knife and fork although it is a bit of a struggle.

Hopefully, if Mic gets to drink at least a litre of fluid a day, they will take the tube out of her nose.

MJ mouths words

2008-10-18T19:23:00.003+01:00

Saturday, October 18th: what an exciting day! I got to the hospital really early this morning and MJ was crying. I cuddled her and settled her down. I watched her dress herself and was so completely amazed that she copes so well with such little use and mobility in her right hand an arm. She brushed her hair and her teeth and all of this was done with her left hand. Considering she has never been left handed, I find this amazing.

I asked if she was okay by giving a thumbs up. She copied me! I was stunned at this new development. I continued to ask questions and she either gave a thumbs up or a thumbs down. The next thing I new, I asked her a question and she mouthed the word no. Then she started to cry. I think the tears was because she realised that there was no sound. I was so excited I jumped up and down and called the nurses over. They were elated too.

Mic's intake of food is also increasing. She still doesn't like corn and peas. Anything lumpy or hard she also has a tendency to spit it out. It can be disturbing to watch, but I guess in her mouth they feel huge and she can feel the skin on the beans, peas, tomatoes etc., that normally we don't.

All in all, I think she is making tremendous progress. She makes me immensely proud to be her mother. Everyday she does something new. Everyday she manages to smile, even when she is scared or hurting. I am humbled by the strength and resilience McAyla has shown over the last 6 weeks.

I need to say thanks to Sharon and Niall who wrote to CFC about McAyla. Thanks to Chelsea for the little gift they have sent to my little girl. The fact that the team addressed it directly to McAyla really means a lot. I know McAyla will treasure the items forever.

MJ stood today

2008-10-15T18:41:00.004+01:00

Wednesday, October 15th: While MJ was in the gym today, sitting and working at stretching, she started to cry. She was in a lot of pain. I had tears in my eyes for two reasons. Firstly I didn't want MJ to hurt and I wished I could take away the pain for her. Secondly I felt so proud that she was doing so exceptionally well and fighting through the pain. In a strange way I was happy to see her tears as it means it's another emotion she shows, another way of communicating with us.

While she was crying, I hugged her and she hugged me back and kissed my head. She kept kissing me as if to say: "I love you mum". I kept telling her I was so proud of her achievements so far and I told her how much I love her.

The physio's got her to stand without the tilt bed. Her legs are very weak and she started to cry again. Through all the pain, MJ perservered and stood again and again and again, each time resting for only a few moments. (Check out the photo on the website of MJ standing.)

By the time we got her back to the ward, she was parched. She finished off a whole cup of thickend water. She cried again and I asked if she could have some pain relief. After the paracetemol was administered, MJ settled down and started to smile and laugh again. As a reward for all her hard work, I bought her a milkshake. She loved it and again finished a whole cup.

For lunch MJ had cauliflower and mash with lamb mince....all of which she would never have eaten before the accident. She finished almost all of it.

MJ also had a computer session with the teacher today. I guess the teacher has figured out it's best to go in the morning when MJ can't fake sleep...lol! The teacher told us MJ coped really well with the activity and was operating the mouse. I think MJ just wants to access MSN so she can chat with all of her mates.

MJ falls out of bed

2008-10-13T14:40:00.002+01:00

Monday, October 13th: I've had a really emotionally draining weekend. Mic fell out of bed - or as the nurses tell it - she got out of bed. Considering she has no upper body strength to hold herself up to sit, I find this really frustrating. Anyway, she hasn't hurt herself too much as far as everyone can tell. The doctor did look her over and there does not appear to be any additional bruising.

On Sunday, we were outside of the hospital when the air ambulance landed. I knew exactly how that mum was feeling. I knew what would be going on inside A&E and it brought tears to my eyes. Memories I have buried just came flooding back. It was good for Dave to see it though. To see how the police cordon off the place and how the paramedics rush to get the child out of the helicopter and into the hospital.

Today Mic had a change of diet. From Mash and gravy to chips and broccoli with gravy. MJ used to love broccoli, but the look on her face today made me think this might well have changed.

O and X's

2008-10-11T09:15:00.004+01:00

Saturday, October 11th: Mic is moving her right hand more frequently now. She is trying to get it to work herself. She will try and bite her fingers and also make the hand go through her hair with her left hand. I think it must feel like she has pins and needles in her arm.

On Wednesday, Mic was given a pen and a book to write in. Unfortunately Mic is not left handed, so she doesn't quite have the co-ordination to write correctly. Although, in saying this, we played noughts and crosses yesterday and she tried to make a mark with the pen. She really concentrated and as such was able to play the game properly, without assistance. It's just one more thing that's MJ. We used to play the game for ages when she was bored.

Last night, the police returned McAyla's shoes that she had on the day of the accident. I wanted to cry. I kept touching them, thinking about what she must have felt. There must have been that brief moment, a milisecond in time, when she knew what was happening. I pray that she never remembers it.

On a lighter note, have you noticed the funky socks that Mic is wearing? I promise, they get a lot brighter and funkier, lol!

MJ performs new tasks

2008-10-07T16:37:00.004+01:00

Tuesday, October 7th: One month ago today tradgedy struck our little family group. This time last month, I was crying so hard, praying that my little girl would keep fighting and get through this tough time. One month on and MJ is dressing herself (with a little assistance), laughing, trying to feed herself, drinking thickend water and sits in a wheelchair.

I showed Mic the photo's of herself in ICU. She grabbed the phone out of my hand and started to scroll through the pictures. She seemed quite intrigued with how she looked and I don't think she could associate the pictures as being her.

Mic got her wheelchair today, but is only allowed to be in it for short periods of time. So, taking full opportunity of the moment, I took her for a spin around the ward. I showed her where she'd been living for the past month. It felt, for me, just one step closer to being able to bring her home. The challenges that lay ahead with possibly adapting our house around Mic are minor in comparison.

I started to feed Mic and she took the spoon out of my hand. Twice I filled it with yoghurt for her and twice she placed it in her mouth, with the proper co-ordination. She almost finished the pot too! The SLT's were going to try her on some Quavers and possibly mash. I can't wait to get there tomorrow to find out how she did with it.

Ash and Sam gave MJ some Spongebob hair clips at the weekend. Today she rearranged them in her hair. She had some difficulty in closing them, but I think that's more because they are new than anything else.

Wow! She's doing amazingly well, and I am so proud of her.

Still laughing

2008-10-06T19:34:00.002+01:00

Monday, October 6th: I got to hear Mic laugh first hand today! I was the source of her amusement. More accurately, my hair was. She played with my ponytail and was giving me funky hairstyles that were just beautious.....NOT!!! LOL!

She had a good physio session today, in which they got her to sit up. She did really well and even reached to the right for the ball. Even though she was in agony, she kept going. What a trooper!

The kisses are coming more freuently too. She actually purses her lips to give us a kiss. MJ is putting a lot if things in her mouth recently and I think this is just another phase in her re-development. If she holds your hand, don't let her bite your fingers! She also has the tendency to close her left eye and peek out the right. It looks like she's winking or playing a game with you. We think she is trying to make the eye focus as the vision may be a bit blurred or doubled. Only time will tell.

Mic's splints will come off at night time now too, giving her feet the freedom they need. Hopefully she won't get stuck in the side rails now.

P.S. Mic's website is up and running now, so have a look and give us some feedback. http://mcayla.com

Mic laughs!

2008-10-05T21:23:00.003+01:00

Sunday, October 5th: The most exciting thing happened today....Mic laughed! Unfortunately I wasn't there to see it, but Ash and Sam were. They made her laugh and filmed it too so everyone can see for themselves. Wow! I'm over the moon! Another piece of McAyla is back! I think the doctors are going to have their socks blown right off tomorrow when they get the update!

By the way, sorry about the video being sideways, but you can't mistake that genuine smile and giggle. I truely hope that you are able to view it and share the joy!

Mic had some visitors yesterday, Kim and Nic B (and their mum's). As soon as I have permission from their mum's, I'll upload the photo's of the visit. Thanks guys for coming to see MJ, I think it did her the world of good. She stayed awake longer yesterday than she has done in ages. I truely believe in my heart of hearts that Mic was listening to both Kim and Nic. You guys were amazing and handled the whole situation really well. Thanks for talking to McAyla and holding her hand, it warmed my heart to see her friends being so positive around her.

I can hardly believe that nearly a whole month has passed since our world got turned upside down. I'm so amazed by how MJ is fighting to get back her health and how she's is proving those initial reports of her status so wrong. LITTLE PETAL ROCKS!

What an exciting day!

2008-10-03T22:04:00.001+01:00

Friday, October 3rd: What an exciting day! We were walking into the ward today and happened to pass the neurosurgeons on their rounds. The one registrar told us Mic was talking! He said that it's only yes and no, but she is verbalising. Well, as you can imagine, I couldn't get in there fast enough! As much as I spoke with Mic the whole day, I have to say I didn't hear a single word. So, I checked with the nurses. They said that the nurse on duty last night thinks she heard Mic say no. Until I can say I've heard it myself, I still don't think she has spoken. Sorry guys! I know it's disappointing.

Mic had her first proper bath today. That in itself tired her out. I bought her some toys as she likes to hold things and touch things with different textures. So, when she went for her physio session, we took the bag down with us and asked her to choose what she wanted to hold. She chose the cheerleader pom-pom. Making choices is another improvement too.

Another good thing, the neck brace is off. She went for an x-ray and they decided it was time for the thing to come off. I'm so glad, because it was causing her so much discomfort. Mic can hold her own head up, but it isn't consistent, as the muscles really haven't had to work too hard over the last month. She still feels like the collar is there, and reaches for it, and I think she is a little confused when she doesn't find it there, so she finds her t-shirt and pulls at that, or sticks her finger in her ear.

The other new thing she is doing is tucking her hair behind her ear. It's just soooo McAyla! I love it.

She has been a bit naughty though. She pulled the feeding tube out of her nose....twice!
As she discovers her face, when she feels something odd, she tugs at it or scratches it, hence the pulling of the tube. I can say that it is not pleasant watching the nurses have to put it back in.

I got to feed her on Thursday. She was really tired, so didn't have too much. The SLT's tried to give her water first, but as she hasn't learnt the skill to hold it in her mouth before swallowing, of course it poured straight down the back of her throat and she coughed and sputtered until it was all out. They'll try again next week with some thickened water.

Monday should be pretty exciting for McAyla as well, as the OT's will be coming to assess how she dresses and washes and they want to see if they can teach her to do some of it on her own.

There won't be a blog tomorrow as I am staying with Mic at the weekend. I'll update you all again on Sunday night.

Eyes

2008-10-01T18:49:00.003+01:00

Wednesday, October 1st: Today Mic went for an eye check up. The doctors are concerned because MJ doesn't like to pull her eyes to the right. So, they just needed confirmation that no major damage has been done to the right eye as a result of the fracture.

You'll be glad to know that there isn't. She has a swollen nerve at the back of the eye which, in time, will heal and the eye should then move as normal. Establishing how far Mic can see and what she can see will take place at a much later stage. The nerve is swollen due to the high pressures that were inside the skull when the brain was swelling. Before the test took place, Mic reached up and rubbed her left eye. She hasn't done that before. She also discovered her ear and nose.

Mic had some drops placed in her eyes which helped to dilate the pupil a bit. The drops sting. McAyla looked like she wanted to cry and did not respond well to the drops or the bright light that was shone in her eyes. At one point she grabbed the consultant's hand to pull it away from her eyes.

We were in the waiting room and it dawned on me that there will be some things I need to get used to sooner, rather than later. Firstly, the fact that people don't know how to deal with someone who is verbally unresponsive, and secondly, the fact that people will always stare when something or someone is different. I don't believe it is out of nastiness, but merely a desire to understand why.

On a lighter note, Mic can play thumb wars again. Not quite the same rules, as you have to place your thumb against hers to let her know it's there, but she's able to pin you down. One...Two...Three...Four...Mic declare's thumb wars!!!!

Exhilarating and heart breaking & visitors news

2008-09-30T22:18:00.002+01:00

Tuesday September 30th: Today was both exhilarating and heart breaking. Mic went for a physio session today. They sat her up on the edge of the bed and her poor little body just doesn't have the strength to support her. Although, in saying this, she tolerated the sitting for a longer time than the first session.

The physio's had Mic lay on her back and tried to entice her to roll over from one side to the other by using pom-pom's and a squidgy ball. This worked really well and Mic tried her best to do as asked, and achieved a half roll. They then laid McAyla on her stomach to see if she could lift her head and push up on her arms. She did this really well too. The neck brace was cumbersom though. It's kind've like watching a baby go through all the developmental stages. This is what broke my heart. Not only could I see that the brace was hurting, and damn she's been hurt enough, but it hurt knowing that I would have to watch her redevelop all those skills again. It's like she's been reborn.

She was really exhausted after this session and just as we got her upstairs and settled, the SLT's (speech and language therapists) arrived with her yoghurt. Unfortunately, Mic was asleep, so I never got to watch them feed her. As I mentioned yesterday, she had tried the yoghurt and coped really well. By the time they arrived in the afternoon and fed her more yoghurt, she was closing her lips around the spoon and taking the food off it. She also managed 10 teaspoonfuls! I can't wait to get to her tomorrow to find out how many she had tonight.

Mic was also due to visit the optician and audio people to establish if there was any fault with her hearing and eyesight. Unfortunately, this hadn't happened by the time I left. We did speak to a neurosurgeon and he has been very happy with her progress. We also spoke with the rehab specialist, Margo Edwards, and she is also very positive about Mic's progress.

When it came time for us to leave, Mic grabbed my sleeve and didn't want to let go. This made me want to cry. I want to cry every time I say goodbye to her. I can't wait to get up in the mornings just so I can get to the hospital to see her. I can't get there quick enough some mornings, so I can find out what new things she has learnt and what else she has achieved.

We are going to start a visitor rotation scheme for her. As she is only allowed 3 people to her bedspace at a time, and one of them has to be a parent, I'm leaving it open to yourselves to either add a comment or text me so I can set out appropriate timescales for visits. I'm sure you also appreciate that only a few people can visit at a time as Mic is easily exhausted, so we are asking that only 2 of her mates (with parents) visit on any allocated Saturday. Clear your Saturdays and let me know which Saturday is appropriate for you and I will do my best to get you in asap to see her.

More good news

2008-09-29T19:11:00.003+01:00

Monday September 29th: More good news today. The speech and language therapists gave Mic 8 teaspoonfuls of yoghurt today. She managed very well, but tired after that. If you can imagine how a baby feeds for the first time, this would be similar to how Mic is eating now. She can't remember to close her mouth around the spoon when it is placed in her mouth, so they have to scrape the food against the top of her mouth. She then tastes it with her tongue and proceeds to swallow.

The occupational therapists gave her a sensory session today. She didn't like anything that was in a tube or wire form. I think that it's because she felt all the tubes that were in her and relates that to pain. She did however like the disco ball, and other toys.

When we were leaving, Daz went to give Mic a hug and placed his head on her tummy. She responded by reaching for his hair and gently touched it. She did the same with Ash and then me. It's the closest we have come to a hug since her accident. YEAH!!!!!

2008-09-29T15:48:00.000+01:00

A positive week

2008-09-29T12:47:00.003+01:00

So much has happened in the last few days, or so it seems.

We had a discussion with the police about McAyla's case. For obvious reasons I cannot say very much other than they think it was Mic's fault. The course of the investigation depends entirely upon McAyla and how she progresses. Initially, they were treating this case as if McAyla was not going to make it through, but being the tough cookie that we all know and love, she proved them wrong. Let's hope she can do it again!

Saturday 27th, and I cannot believe the change in my little girl from 20 days ago. On the outside, she looks exactly the same as before the accident, except for a few bruises and a bit of her hair that has been shaved. Also, she still hasn't spoken, but, that will come. Oh, how I miss her little voice.

She went for physio on Friday and they laid her on a bed which they could tilt upright. The purpose of this is to help Mic to learn to stand and to put pressure on her feet again. Whilst they were tilting her, she tried so hard to lift her head so she could see what else was going on in the gym. There was another child having physio and he was on a toy that he could push himself around on. Ashley was in Mic's way and she tried to look around Ash to see what was going on. Still as curious as ever. I bet she was wishing she could've had a go! She has these groovy new splints which have a denim design on which help to keep her ankles in the correct position. She will also have a night time pair which have a rainbow design on. I have to say, they look a lot better than the purple plaster casts she had on. We don't know if the splints will need to be on forever, or if they will only be on until McAyla can walk again.

Mic can now lift her bottom up a little bit when asked. I noticed she is pulling at her neck brace which indicates she is very uncomfortable. Both legs move more freely now. I think the casts were just too heavy for her to lift. She is definitely more alert than she was a week ago, although she still doesn't seem to know where she is. It's difficult to explain, but hopefully when you all get to see her, you will understand.

It's been 3 weeks since the accident and every day McAyla gets that little bit stronger and a little more alert. 3 weeks of absolute torture. I can't wait to get up to the hospital every day to see her and I hate it when I have to leave. We saw one of the ICU nurses that looked after Mic. She can't believe the change in McAyla either. Hopefully, looking at the photo's you will see the tremendous difference in her too.

Update from Terri

2008-09-25T09:48:00.003+01:00

Many people have asked me how we are coping as a family, as parents and as a mother. The honest answer is I don't really know. No-one knows how they will react in situations forced upon them, until it happens to them. I can tell you that it's been an emotional roller coaster that I never want to go on again.

I cannot go into detail of how the accident occurred, purely because I was not there and I don't want to speculate. All I know is that my life changed forever on September 7th, 2008.

For the purpose of McAyla's friends who may read this with their parent's permission, I will start at the beginning.

Sunday afternoon, McAyla's neighbourhood friends knocked on the door, asking if she wanted to go with to the shops. I didn't have a problem with this as I know McAyla is careful on the roads. The funny thing is, I don't think she really wanted to go as she rolled her eyes when she asked. I told her not to go if she didn't want to. She went anyway.

A few moments later, there was a loud knock on the door. I opened it and McAyla's 15 year old friend (who shall remain nameless, as she is not aware of the blog) screamed out "McAyla's been hit by a car!" Daz was laying on the couch but as soon as he heard, he was out of the door and running down the road in his socks. I pulled on trainers and followed. I cannot tell you if I left the door open or not. I know I left Cortni standing in the lounge. I don't even know if she followed me out the door. Luckily, Ashley and Samantha were at home to look after her.

About half way down the road, I passed the social club and heard somebody say something. I suddenly stopped running and wondered if I really wanted to see what was waiting for me around the corner. Then I thought about my baby laying in the road and I started to run again.

As I turned the corner, I saw the ambulance, paramedics tending to McAyla, Daz walking, fingers linked behind his head, police stopping traffic and turning them away, McAyla's friends crying and walking toward me. I ran to McAyla and saw blood pooling around her head, her face was pointed to her right and her forehead looked like it was split in two. I touched her and spoke with her, reassuring her of my love. I looked for Daz. He was sitting on the pavement, colour had drained from his face. There was a blonde woman with him, talking to him. I noticed McAyla's trainer on the pavement and looked for the other one. I couldn't see it. I looked at her feet and noticed the tops of her socks had holes in them. There was a man, not in uniform, but helping McAyla. I saw high heel shoes and keys neatly on the pavement. This seemed odd to me. The blonde woman approached me and I noticed her feet were bare. I later learned she was an off duty police officer and the man helping McAyla was an off duty doctor.

All of this seemed to happen in slow motion, until I saw Ashley coming up the road crying and panic in her eyes. I hugged her and told her to go home. I needed to be with McAyla and I needed Ashley at home to look after Cortni. A neighbour walked her away.

I asked the paramedics if I could go with them in the ambulance. They agreed and loaded McAyla up first and I had to sit in the front. It was at this point I got to walk around the car that struck my baby girl. The only thing I saw was the impact point on the windscreen.

We drove to County Hall and met the air ambulance. Again they took McAyla first and then loaded me up. Only once in the helicopter, did the tears start to stream down my face. We arrived at Birmingham Children's Hospital and they whisked her into A&E. I had to wait until the helicopter cleared the air space. Why, I don't know. Then I was taken to see McAyla in A&E and that's when I got really scared. I have never seen so many people work on such a little body, just trying to save her life. They told me everything they were doing, but for all the money in the world, I cannot remember half of it. Once they were happy, they sent McAyla for a CT scan, which is like an x-ray of the brain.

I met up with Daz who had arrived at the hospital during this time, and we were then sent to wait in the parents waiting room in ICU. Time passed very slowly as we waited to see MJ. When we did get to see her, it was very scary. There were tubes and wires going into her, a monitor was above her and there was a ventilator breathing for her.

That night, we didn't sleep much. In fact, for many nights we didn't sleep properly or eat. For the 9/10 days that McAyla was in ICU, I kept a bedside vigil, occasionally swapping with Daz. McAyla was eventually moved to ward 10. On Friday 19th, she opened her eyes fully for the first time. I was so excited. The only problem was she didn't seem to recognise me.

As each day passes, she makes a little more progress. On Tuesday, I noticed she was moving her tongue in her mouth and it looked like she was trying to say something and becoming frustrated. So, I decided to pull tongues at her and make funny shapes with my mouth. When I told her to pull her tongue out, she did! Yesterday she had a physio session and they were very happy with her progress. Whilst she can't sit on her own yet, she tried to roll over when asked and lifted her right leg on command. She looked for me yesterday when asked and that made me so excited. Oh, and in case you were wondering, even if you are sick, you have to go to school! The teachers have been up 3 times to see McAyla, but each time she's been asleep. Do you think she does it on purpose?

McAyla tires easily now and there will be many things she needs to learn again. Once she is feeling stronger, we will arrange visiting times for you all.

For those grown-ups who ask about the driver, she is devestated by what has happened. She phones the police everyday to find out how Mic is doing. I harbour no ill feelings toward her or Mic's friends. She has to live with the same image I do...and worse. As far as Mic's friends are concerned, we have spoken with the parents and offered to get the kids counselling should they need it. At the end of the day, in situations like this, nobody is a winner, but everybody does lose something.

Thank you all for your kind words, prayers, cards, letters, poems and teddies you have sent. Thank you to all the staff at Birmingham Children's hospital who have endeavoured to give my child the best possible care. Thank you to the kind police lady and the doctor who stopped to assist. Thank you to the paramedics and the air ambulance staff for their quick response. Thank you also, to all the people on my street who have looked after Cortni and after us as a family. Thanks must mostly go to the nurses in ICU who brought a smile to my face even in my darkest hours. I am truly indebted to you all.

Very Unfortunate Accident

2008-09-23T13:36:00.004+01:00

I'm not going to add too much to this first post, other than to say that on September 7th, McAyla was struck down by a car in a very unfortunate accident and has been in hospital ever since. I will leave the details to her parents, Terri & Daz.

I know they gain strength through your prayers, thoughts and kind words. Terri will attempt, while running between home & hospital, to fill you in on this blog with her progress. Please feel free to leave comments and let me know how you feel.

- Sarah